“No one will care that I’m gone …”
Do you tell this to yourself or other, similar phrases? If you see yourself as a burden to others, rest assured that many other suicidal people think the same way. These statements are depression and anxiety tricking you. Thinking this way is irrational, and according to research done by Thomas Joiner Jr., PhD, seeing yourself as a burden to others is a necessary condition for suicide to occur.
Depression, anxiety, stress, self-loathing, shame and self-hatred are all feelings that are related to suicide, and you are not alone. Irrational thoughts like these are all related to suicide. Distorted, irrational thoughts which are not true are all too common with those people who are feeling like suicide is the only option.
Often people who are suffering with suicidal thoughts (distorted, irrational thoughts) think that suicide is the only way out. These thoughts are often accompanied by thoughts like no one will care if I die, or they will get over it quickly. Thinking that no one will care when you are gone is one of the cruellest lies that your depression and stress tell you. These are thoughts that are simply not true.
Often, someone who is feeling suicidal have thoughts running around and around in a closed circuit. You will start to think that there is no way out. That you are alone in your suffering, and again, that no one cares or will care if you find a way to end your pain. If you see only darkness and dark thoughts around you, then consider asking someone for help. You will be surprised at how many people are worried about you. Let them help you beat those thoughts of self-loathing and shame.
Is suicide beckoning you?
Suicide is not only about you. Before you take a final step, try and think about who you are leaving behind. If you are suffering mental anguish and torture, you will be surprised to know that those who you leave behind will suffer mental anguish and torture too. They will ask why, over and over again. Suicide is not only about you, it’s something that you do to yourself and also to others. I don’t write this to add to your feelings of guilt; I write to make sure that you know that people care about you and will be devastated that you are gone. Suicide is forever, you cannot come back. When suicide is telling you that there is no other choice and that no one will care, remember that those thoughts that go round and round in your head are telling you lies – it simply isn’t true.
Suicidal people are in pain, terrible emotional pain. The overriding need to end the pain can occasionally lead people to end their pain. They think of themselves first, and do what they feel they need to do. But remember, your thoughts can be deceiving you. In fact, at this point with extreme emotional pain, they are almost certainly thoughts filled with lies and deceptiveness. It is deceiving you to tell you that death is the only way to end the pain. That others won’t care. That no one will miss you or even grieve for you. Death is an option, but remember that others most certainly care about you and your wellbeing.
Challenge The Lies In Your Mind
Can you pay attention to the other possibilities? While the thoughts of suicide can beckon and the lure of ending the pain can join those thoughts going around in your mind, could you possibly consider the flip side? That flip side is:
Could you be wrong?
Could you be wrong that your suicide is irrelevant? Can you accept that people love and care about you? Might there be an alternative to death to end your pain?
Suicide will beckon – even when you don’t want it to
The lies and the thoughts in your head wont go away just because you realise that people will be hurt by your death. You cannot turn them off overnight like the flipping of a switch – but you can seek help with the flicking of a switch. Pick up the phone, go online, tell someone who cares about you. Try anything that will keep you alive, because the heartbreak you leave behind has been described by a person bereaved by suicide like this:
Inescapable, irreparable, irreversible. Alternating confusion, numbness and indescribable pain, felt emotionally and physically. It’s like a lump of cement is inside my chest.
I do not write to add guilt to your emotions. Don’t blame yourself for suicidal thoughts or tendencies. You may be aware that your death will cause devastation but still choose to end your pain. What I do ask is that you try everything else in your power first. Ask for help, because your loved ones are desperate to keep you alive. Tomorrow might not be a brighter day, but in twelve months you may look back and think thank God I am still here.
How do I know? Because I love someone who is still here to look back and say thank God I’m still here. And I do thank God, every single day. Please do everything you can to stay alive.